Monday, April 7, 2008
Talking Turkey
I've been in several men's small groups over the years and noticed that it's really hard sometimes to get the fellas to open up and talk. It's especially hard at first - I guess that's just the way we men are. Sometimes it's like being on a turkey hunt on one of those days that no matter what you do or what calls you try, the gobblers just will not respond. I'm planning on starting a small group and wanted to know what you guys have done to get the fellas to open up and interact.
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Meet them where they are! Understand that people will come and they will enter with different issues / places in their lives. Create an open environment that involves interaction through discussion. Use multiple forms of interaction - video, questions,stories, and articles that stimulate thought and interest. Remember,that people connect and interact differently, therefore you have to provide the multiple ways for everyone to be engaged. Find out the different interests of those gathered and use it as a connecting point in your teaching and sharing (sports, hobbies,family,work, felt needs, etc). People want to be/feel involved, whether they outwardly demonstrate that or not. Share the truth through Gods word, invest in the lives of those present (takes time), and invite people into a growing and personal relationship with Christ.
I agree that men must feel comfortable in their surroundings to open up. Brief discussions followed by an opportunity but not an obligation to speak. Don't pressure them any more than you would that bird that's hung up at 70 yards. Allow them time to react, blend in and see what's happening. They are there for a reason(personal, favor for a friend who is ministering to them, looking for answers, etc.)Talk to them one on one during breaks and before and after Bible study about things of interest to them. We all love to talk about hunting and fishing. When your Bible studies begin to run past the appointed time you'll realize that even the wallflowers are taking part in the discussions, offering their opinions, and really thinking about the message being presented to them. Our task is to carry the message to them. God will take care of the rest.
When we first started our men's group at church we had each one of our guys bring an item of theirs that reminded them of a special time in the outdoors. The guys brought deer heads, old shotguns, photos, shed antlers, and all kinds of cool stuff. Then we asked the guys to tell about the item that they brought and why it was special. Guys may not speak up about lots of stuff, but they will tell about hunting and fishing trips, and their outdoor memories. It was a great way to get guys talking and at the same time get the fellas to know each other.
I have found it very good to get the guys together outside the "classroom." Schedule hunting trips (we have done squirrel and dove hunts), do a mission project, father/son campouts and the like are great ways to get to know each other and start forming trusting relationships.
A meeting site off church grouds is also a good way to get guys comfortable. The more deer heads, camo couches and plasma screen TV's the more comfortable the fellas will be - therefore more likely to open up and engage in discussion.
I also agree. Men need to feel comfortable before they interact within a bible study. When the teacher asks a question, make it open for all to respond. Try not to ask individuals especially if you know they already told you they will attend but not speak. Thats okay. The converstion and topic will eventually appeal to them and they will get involved. I have found in the few small groups that I have lead was to break the group up into smaller groups to discuss a topic/answer a question. Strategically place certain people together who either know each other already or have something in common. You find this out the first week when you thank everyone for attending and have each person briefly (2 min or less) tell why they are there and something about themselves. As the leader, remember what they say so you can put them in to smaller discussion groups if you need to. I definetly enjoy small groups outside of Church especially for an Outdoor Ministry. You have a buddies house that is already geared for the group(deer heads, guns, fish,etc) this in its self already removes some of the communication barriers as the Men enter the house or location of the study. Lastly, be sincere. Like Movedog said some men may be there as a favor to someone or just because they like watching a few minutes of a hunting or fishing videos. The important thing is they are there! Build a relationship with every man there. Care for their concerns, problems questions. You now have an investment in their future. Teach Gods word the best you can and trust the Holy Spirit to do the rest.
I think one of the biggest problems with small group interaction, especially for men, is in letting the group get too big. Grow it beyond 5 men or so and guys start to feel as if they are speaking in a crowd; which is at the top of the short list for most folk's worst nightmares.
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